What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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