I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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