He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize