i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
