I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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