I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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