If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
