i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
