So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize