My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I AM VODKA MAN
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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