If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
