We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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