My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
