we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
