i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
