I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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