I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
please come you make the beer taste better
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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