I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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