i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
