I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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