No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
