Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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