My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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