Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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