careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
