The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
