so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
