We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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