Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
