If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
