I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
