Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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