Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
