You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
