We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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