PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How's work?
Spinning.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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