got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
