is your mom at the bar?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
