I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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