i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
