I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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