Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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