Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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