Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize