I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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