I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize