I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
