Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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