Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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