i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize