The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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