Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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