whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
