Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
