God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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