I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
