Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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