Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
