Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
