I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
