Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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