i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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