dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
