Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i dont even know how to be here
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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