i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
