My liver just broke up with me...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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